Please, let me fuck your mom
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I can't turn off my feet"
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
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