i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize
