I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
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