Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You've changed since you got that strap on
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
