im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
