apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
