We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
