Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
