I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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