Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
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