i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
