Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
