College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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