She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Randomize
