I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
you win again, gameday.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
