And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
