i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
