i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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