She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
