saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
