Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
