We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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