Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
