Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
