Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
