i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
We talked him into tasing himself.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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