My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
