Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
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