Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
