he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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