i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
