yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize