At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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