I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
it's like iHOP with fire
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
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