Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
