So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
