Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize