I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
