that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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