I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
