so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
