If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Randomize
