i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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