i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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