I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
