So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
