these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
