I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
