So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize