the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
thus making me awesome and them whores
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
