epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
