Already got asked if we're dating
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
