sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
