I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I'm eating all of the evidence.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
