I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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