I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
So vagazzling was a success
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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