Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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