How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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