Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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