your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
