What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
