My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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