It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Randomize
