I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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