i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
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