What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Ambien. No doubt about it.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Randomize
