i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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