They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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