I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
