Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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