So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize