Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
