Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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