i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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