Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize