I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
my liver is dry heaving
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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